Word of the Year for 2016 : Transform January update

Well, today marks the end of the first month on my word of the year journey!!  Transformation.

You can go HERE to see the post!

So, I thought I would share with you my progress!!

SPIRITUAL WALK

Let's just say, this is still a work in progress.  I have definitely been praying a lot more.  I still need to get in the Word more.  I have a monthly devotion that will hopefully focus me more in that area.  It is Tabletalk put out by Ligonier Ministries.

PHYSICAL WALK

Well, in my last post I said I needed to lose at least 80 pounds.  I set my 1st goal at 75 pounds.  My monthly goal is 10 pounds a month.  This month I lost 11 pounds!!!!!!  I am super excited about this!  Praying and relying on God for His help in reaching this goal.  

MOTHERLY WALK

Let's just say, getting down on their level and whispering how they are doing wrong works better than yelling!!  I feel that my yelling has been cut more than in half.  I think this month I will keep a count on how many times I lose it, to fully see the progress.  I feel that I only yelled a couple of times, but it was probably more.

WIFE WALK

Still fall asleep way too early!  But, this month so did he!  It must of been the month that we needed extra sleep.

WALK AS MY OWN PERSON

Who am I?  Praying I can answer this question better by the end of the year.  For right now, I am a sinner saved by grace.

TRANSFORM.

Verse of the Year:

Do not be conformed to this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2  ESV

Blessings!!

Where you will find me linked at.

Word of the Year for 2016

     This is my first year picking  word of the year.  I read about the idea and thought it was awesome!  I have never been a person to pick resolutions.  Deep down inside I always knew that I couldn't keep them.

     There are so many things in my life that I need to work on.  From my spiritually walk, my physical walk, my walk as a mother, my walk as a wife, and my walk as my own person.

SPIRITUAL WALK
     1st up, my spiritual walk.  I am in this phase of my life where I find it hard to get into the word of God on a daily.  I know I am not in this walk alone.  As moms, so much of our time is on others.  From the farm animals, to homeschooling, to cleaning, ugh!  I feel that if I work on this area, so many other areas in my life will start clicking.  

PHYSICAL WALK
     This is the part of me I have grown to dislike.  I need to lose 80 pounds (at least).  I hide behind my kids in pictures, or hide from the camera.  Can't find clothes to fit that look decent.

MOTHERLY WALK
     Sometimes I yell.  Sometimes I feel like I don't do enough for my kids.  (Thanks Pinterest and Facebook!)  

WIFE WALK
     I fall asleep way to early.  Partly because I get up way to early to take care of things, but I can't keep my eyes open much past 9pm.  Leaves us very little time to relax together.

WALK AS MY OWN PERSON
     Who am I?  I don't think I know who I remotely am.  Which all brings me back to my spiritual walk.  

Lord heal me

and

me.

     So, my word of the year is 

TRANSFORM.

Verse of the Year:

Do not be conformed to this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2  ESV

Blessings!!

Where you will find me linked at.

10 Things I learned from our adoption

Thought I would share some things that I learned through adoption.  Although I will probably think of more as time goes on, these are pretty high on the list for me!

1. I have learned that God is in control of every circumstance in my life.  It has had nothing to do with my sacrifice of time, money, hearts, or tears.  It is all about Him.
2. I have learned that His grace will be sufficient. Whatever path God puts me on, I know that He will help me through the tough times and through the happy times.  
3. I feel blessed to know that one of the purposes that God gave me for my life was to show love outwardly to the fatherless.  I feel so blessed to have seen and felt God's presence in my life during the last 7 months and to feel the grace shine all around my family.
4. I never realized how much I would feel for Ezra's mother.  I love her even though I have never met her.  I know that my child will one day question things, just as I did with my own adoption when I got older.  I pray for her and for grace upon her and Ezra as they both grow older.
5. Despite how people feel about the whys of how birthparents could give a child up, I now know that it is the deepest and most committed love that they could have ever showed.  Ezra's birthmom was 14. Wow, I couldn't even image taking care of a baby at that age.  I was still playing with dolls and matchbox cars!  Her strength to do this is unbelievable.  
6. I have also come to know that love is not an emotion.  I feel love, because God first loved me.   God's love is showered upon me daily, so that I may shower love upon my children daily as well.
7. It is heart-breaking to hold a baby who cries for his mother.  Even at 3 days old, he knew her voice, her smell.  He knew nothing of me.  I showered him with love, and spent almost the first 6 weeks of his life with maybe 5 hours of sleep a week (and those were from shear exhausting and were spent while he was crying).
8. I learned that no matter what people say or do about decisions that you make after God's direction, God's plan will still be finished.  There is nothing you can do, but enjoy the ride and bask in God's grace to sustain you when others are against you.
9. I have learned that some people just don't change their ways of thinking no matter what century we are in.  I don't know how many rude looks and rude comments I have overheard because our family is mixed.  Normally it is just me and the boys out, since my husband works a lot, but  I am shocked to know how people can be so insensitive.  To those people, all I can say is, may the power of God show you that you are wrong.  May He show you that our family is a family put together and designed by Him. 
10. One thing that I have learned is adoption is a life changing process that will rock your world at every stage.  I almost don't even recognize myself anymore!  It has beautifully grown not just my family, but my heart, my dreams, and my joys.  It has been a beautiful, frustrating, heart-breaking, and miraculous journey so far.  I can't wait for what the next several years are going to bring!!

Blessings!!

Places where you may find me linked at!

Adoption and our Finalization!

     Well, I can hardly believe this day has come and gone.  February 3, 2014 we finalized our adoption to Ezra!  Those 6 months flew by and this little boy is officially ours!!

      When God put us on this journey, I was shocked!  It was one of those things like homeschooling was for me.  Are you sure Lord?  Is this really what you want?  Or is my heart just grieving for my daughter and other babies of mine that I am longing to hold again in my arms?  He made sure that we were aware that this was the journey for us.  We met opposition from close friends and from people we really didn't even know.  People questioned why we were doing this.  I wish I would have made clear to them that this was God's path, not ours, and only He knows why.  Alas, I just kept to myself about this.  This was a journey that our family dealt with mostly on our own.  From a fundraiser, to the paperwork, to the tears from waiting.  It was a very quiet journey on the outside, but on the inside I felt like I was falling apart.  Praise be to God for making  me stronger every step of the way!  I learned that my hope, peace, and love came from the Lord during this time.  His provisions are sufficient!  God was working in my heart and in my life every minute of every day.  His grace truly is sufficient!  I have been living in His grace for quite awhile now.  I walk in it daily!  Thank you God!!
     One thing that I have learned is adoption to me has been a life changing process that so rocked my world!  I almost don't even recognize myself anymore.  It has beautifully grown not just our family, but my heart, joy, and dreams.  It has been a beautiful, frustrating, heart-breaking, and miraculous journey.
     God chose us for this journey.  God chose us to have a son who is now 6 years old, lose a daughter that would have been 4 on the 19th of this month had she lived, and lose 2 more babies in May and December the following year.  God also chose us to adopt this beautiful little boy.

     He chose us!!!!  Despite what others thought, despite what we thought, He chose us to be the parents of this miracle child.  You see, God puts families together through physical birth and through adoption.  From the beginning of time, we were all ordained and thought of.  God knew all along that we would add to our family through adoption!  Sends goose bumps just thinking about that!  All those tears that I shed, were so worth it!  Every crack that has been formed in my heart, has drawn me closer to God.

     Some pictures of our big day!!

Patiently waiting!!

God sure has blessed me with 2 handsome young boys!!

The door to the courtroom!

Big brother getting the okay to bang the gavel making it official!!

I love this family!

Chocolate pudding for a celebratory meal!

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.  James 1:27

Not everyone is called to adoption.  Everyone is called to take care of the fatherless though.  I am truly blessed that God chose our family and that we were obedient in His calling.  I look forward to the coming years as He continues to work on our family and in making us closer to His image.

Blessings!!

Where you may find me linked at!

A loss, a life, & a homemade Christmas

 I am choosing to open my heart up for the first time online (really, ever) so please bear with me!!  This may be choppy but I am praying it is beneficial to someone!!

This year has really been hard for us.  See, our adoption to this precious little angel:

Ezra 4 1/2 months old

rocked our world in more ways than one.  First, of course was paying for the adoption, which was the easiest thing ever!  God blessed us with perfect timing!!  We were able to use all of our savings and not touch a home equity line of credit we had established.  Yay!!  Well, then the downhill spiral of everything else has put us where we are right now. Which I know God is right there with us, and even though we are truly struggling, we are also seeing the true light of Christ shining brighter than ever!

     This little boy has been a true blessing for us.  But, for me in-particular.  You see on the 10th of this month marks the passing of my 3rd baby.  I have had 4 pregnancies, and only have my son Conner with me.

We lost our daughter at 20 weeks in May and nearly destroyed me if it wasn't for my little man Conner and the grace of God.  Those were some dark days, but looking back now I see that God carried me through them and brought me closer to Him.  It was during this time, that I really began to know God and was saved!

     The end of that year, I lost my Christmas baby and have been unable to truly enjoy Christmas since then.  Now, when you read that, please don't get any crazy ideas!  My family has chosen not to observe Santa.  We view him as an idol that we put in front of our children and have chosen to keep Christ as the center of our Christmas.  (Not that keeping Santa does or doesn't make you a Christian, this are just how God has led us in our walk and how we have chosen to honor Christ.  So, as long as you are listening to God, then keep doing what you are doing.)  We also chose to only buy 3 gifts for our son, just like the wise men.  Something he wants, something he needs, and something pointing him to Christ.

     Anyways, Christmas has always been hard to see as a happy time for me.  Don't get me wrong, I have always celebrated Christ's birth with the same enthusiasm as I always have, but this time was different.  Besides Christ, there was nothing in me to celebrate.  I despised putting our tree up, I despised singing carols, I even despised making my Christmas candy.  I did all of these things only because of my son.  I did them with a smile so no one has ever known this, but on the inside I was falling apart.  

     Since that Christmas, I have since lost another baby, and God put us on the adoption path.  Sixteen months later enters Ezra!  My sweet little angel that allowed me to see life through a babies eyes once again.  The sweet forgiving, loving eyes that all babies have!  Even through all of our stays at Children's hospital (almost 2 weeks on and off) this little boy has been a fighter.

He is always smiling!  You would never of known that he stopped breathing and turned blue on us on a daily basis.  He is finally on the mend.  They think he is starting to outgrow his seizures!!  Praise the Lord!!!!

     You can imagine the bills piling in, praise God for insurance!  The saying when it rains it pours is oh so true.  Our only vehicle is starting to have problems and the 4-wheel drive went out on it (not a good thing when you live out in the boondocks!), garage door opener broke, washer broke, water leak the day I was leaving for Ezra's overnight EEG that left us without water until I got home the next night, ruined bathroom floor due to this leak, damper on our wood burner breaking (now we are burning through wood so fast we may run out), a roof leak that still isn't fully fixed, windows leaking water, and the motor on our furnace went out (which of course we haven't used said furnace in 3 years due to wood burner).

     Wow, that's a lot!  I am praying that things are going to slow down finally.  We have started a list of the things that are most important to fix and they are going to be done first.  Our family has no debt and are trying to stay that way.  So, hopefully the truck goes in this week, then the roof leak once the weather warms up, then the wood burner, and then hopefully I can buy a washer!

      Now, add Christmas in the mix!  Both boys will be getting one gift this year and neither one of them is new.  And you know what, they are going to be fine!!
     Well, seeing as I am now in the holiday spirit mode.  I have set Conner and I (and of course we will be including Ezra in a few of these things!) on making several decorations and ornaments!  Here are the first 5 days:



Day 1
I still miss the smell of pine in the house, but who wouldn't love a wreath made by their kids!

You can find the link on how to make these here.

Day 2

Home made snowflake ornaments!

These were made with craft sticks and hot glue.

Day 3

Wreath and candy cane ornament.  I cut the shapes out of cardboard and then he used the glue gun to glue on the pom poms.

Day 4 

A stained glass nativity!  The link for this is here.

This one was mine.

Conner putting vegi oil on his nativity.

Dry time!

Day 5 Baking soda keepsake ornaments!

Conner 6 years!

Ezra 4.5 months

Baylie-dog

Snickers cat

Lexie-rabbit

To make:

1 1/4 cup baking soda

3/4 cup cornstarch

3/4 c water

Put all ingredients in a pot on medium heat stirring constantly until it starts thicken and resembles mashed potatoes.  Put in a bowl and cover with a damp cloth for 30 minutes.  

Make your ornaments at least 1/4 to 3/8 of an inch thick.  Make sure to use a straw to put a hole in your ornaments for hanging!

Blessings!!

Places where I may link at.