A loss, a life, & a homemade Christmas

 I am choosing to open my heart up for the first time online (really, ever) so please bear with me!!  This may be choppy but I am praying it is beneficial to someone!!

This year has really been hard for us.  See, our adoption to this precious little angel:

Ezra 4 1/2 months old

rocked our world in more ways than one.  First, of course was paying for the adoption, which was the easiest thing ever!  God blessed us with perfect timing!!  We were able to use all of our savings and not touch a home equity line of credit we had established.  Yay!!  Well, then the downhill spiral of everything else has put us where we are right now. Which I know God is right there with us, and even though we are truly struggling, we are also seeing the true light of Christ shining brighter than ever!

     This little boy has been a true blessing for us.  But, for me in-particular.  You see on the 10th of this month marks the passing of my 3rd baby.  I have had 4 pregnancies, and only have my son Conner with me.

We lost our daughter at 20 weeks in May and nearly destroyed me if it wasn't for my little man Conner and the grace of God.  Those were some dark days, but looking back now I see that God carried me through them and brought me closer to Him.  It was during this time, that I really began to know God and was saved!

     The end of that year, I lost my Christmas baby and have been unable to truly enjoy Christmas since then.  Now, when you read that, please don't get any crazy ideas!  My family has chosen not to observe Santa.  We view him as an idol that we put in front of our children and have chosen to keep Christ as the center of our Christmas.  (Not that keeping Santa does or doesn't make you a Christian, this are just how God has led us in our walk and how we have chosen to honor Christ.  So, as long as you are listening to God, then keep doing what you are doing.)  We also chose to only buy 3 gifts for our son, just like the wise men.  Something he wants, something he needs, and something pointing him to Christ.

     Anyways, Christmas has always been hard to see as a happy time for me.  Don't get me wrong, I have always celebrated Christ's birth with the same enthusiasm as I always have, but this time was different.  Besides Christ, there was nothing in me to celebrate.  I despised putting our tree up, I despised singing carols, I even despised making my Christmas candy.  I did all of these things only because of my son.  I did them with a smile so no one has ever known this, but on the inside I was falling apart.  

     Since that Christmas, I have since lost another baby, and God put us on the adoption path.  Sixteen months later enters Ezra!  My sweet little angel that allowed me to see life through a babies eyes once again.  The sweet forgiving, loving eyes that all babies have!  Even through all of our stays at Children's hospital (almost 2 weeks on and off) this little boy has been a fighter.

He is always smiling!  You would never of known that he stopped breathing and turned blue on us on a daily basis.  He is finally on the mend.  They think he is starting to outgrow his seizures!!  Praise the Lord!!!!

     You can imagine the bills piling in, praise God for insurance!  The saying when it rains it pours is oh so true.  Our only vehicle is starting to have problems and the 4-wheel drive went out on it (not a good thing when you live out in the boondocks!), garage door opener broke, washer broke, water leak the day I was leaving for Ezra's overnight EEG that left us without water until I got home the next night, ruined bathroom floor due to this leak, damper on our wood burner breaking (now we are burning through wood so fast we may run out), a roof leak that still isn't fully fixed, windows leaking water, and the motor on our furnace went out (which of course we haven't used said furnace in 3 years due to wood burner).

     Wow, that's a lot!  I am praying that things are going to slow down finally.  We have started a list of the things that are most important to fix and they are going to be done first.  Our family has no debt and are trying to stay that way.  So, hopefully the truck goes in this week, then the roof leak once the weather warms up, then the wood burner, and then hopefully I can buy a washer!

      Now, add Christmas in the mix!  Both boys will be getting one gift this year and neither one of them is new.  And you know what, they are going to be fine!!
     Well, seeing as I am now in the holiday spirit mode.  I have set Conner and I (and of course we will be including Ezra in a few of these things!) on making several decorations and ornaments!  Here are the first 5 days:



Day 1
I still miss the smell of pine in the house, but who wouldn't love a wreath made by their kids!

You can find the link on how to make these here.

Day 2

Home made snowflake ornaments!

These were made with craft sticks and hot glue.

Day 3

Wreath and candy cane ornament.  I cut the shapes out of cardboard and then he used the glue gun to glue on the pom poms.

Day 4 

A stained glass nativity!  The link for this is here.

This one was mine.

Conner putting vegi oil on his nativity.

Dry time!

Day 5 Baking soda keepsake ornaments!

Conner 6 years!

Ezra 4.5 months

Baylie-dog

Snickers cat

Lexie-rabbit

To make:

1 1/4 cup baking soda

3/4 cup cornstarch

3/4 c water

Put all ingredients in a pot on medium heat stirring constantly until it starts thicken and resembles mashed potatoes.  Put in a bowl and cover with a damp cloth for 30 minutes.  

Make your ornaments at least 1/4 to 3/8 of an inch thick.  Make sure to use a straw to put a hole in your ornaments for hanging!

Blessings!!

Places where I may link at.